Earlier today on the 10 hour drive from DFW to El Paso I was speaking with my sister about the likelihood of her attempting a “fresh start”. At the moment I was only bringing it up as a hypothetical. To be completely honest the concept of such a thing terrified me as we talked about leaving friend circles or the possibilities of such things. Tonight as I spend my first night back living with my parents I am just as sleepless as I was before leaving Oklahoma. It strikes me that I have in so many words just rebooted by re-re-rooting. Sure this isn’t the freshest start or the cleanest break (I was raised in El Paso after all), but 7 years away from a place is enough to have it grown into something you no longer recognize.
I didn’t intend this to happen. Maybe I was hoping for some false sense of comfort to envelop me when I arrived, faux-miliarity if you will…. I’ve been out of sorts for the better part of the last month though. In Norman I thought that any number of things were responsible for my bitter attitude, unease, lack of sleep and general malaise. I’m sure those issues I thought suspect (difficulty in making a lasting friendship in less than 6 months, roommate stuff, the face that finishing classes and being done paying for school are two diff things) are still playing some role in my current sleepless nights, but holy crap here I am adrift in a slightly different part of the ocean now.
I saw the kite pictured above tethered to a pole at a rest stop outside of Abilene, TX. My first thought was about how pretty it was. Then I wondered if it was stuck up on the pole as art, some prank, decoration or if there was some purpose behind it. I think I settled on the fact that maybe it was helping keep crows or pigeons away. It certainly made me feel like maybe I’m just a kite on a string stuck out in the middle of nowhere….sure I may look nice, but what am I doing there?
I live with my parents. All my friends in El Paso are gone…or at least the people I knew them as. This is the roughest fresh start are really probably more of an escape pod type situation. Good luck and goodnight little kite.